Decelerating

Writers block is an understatement for what has been going on with me for the last few months.  I want desperately to have something meaningful, beautiful to say.  But I don't.  It isn't that there is nothing meaningful or beautiful going on in our lives.  Quite the opposite.  There are so many wonderful, beautiful things happening around us.  Its just that I haven't had the time or capacity to drink them in.

I sat across a cold metal table tonight, talking and processing with the man I love.  We talked about dreams and hopes, about what God is teaching us both and how to slow down.  This life we're in has been in overdrive for quite some time now.  And although we made our last move in April, an object in motion doesn't magically stop when circumstances change.  We grew accustomed to doing whatever it took to survive and live in a crazy paced life and now we have to learn how to slow down.  It's something I long for and have for a few years now.  But for the first time it feels possible.  To have days off, to hang around our house and drink coffee and let the kids be in their PJs all day.  To do yard work and visit coffee shops and make apple butter.  To make new friends and drive to the mountains to visit an apple orchard.  To be present in the now without the anxiety of the "what's next?".  So, we pull our toes back a little more, easing out of survival mode and into this new life, praying and trusting that the fruit of a tough season would catch up to the exhaustion of it.  Waiting and believing that Jesus taught us far more in those hard 2 years than we can even fathom.  And learning how to step back in to the ebb and flow of a stable life.