Tomorrow we will pack a U-haul, move our family and start a new life. A new job, a new house with new friends in a new city. Tomorrow we move into an apartment I've never seen in person, in a city I've been to once, to work for a church I've only seen online. If this sounds surprising, join the club. Two weeks ago the Lord turned our expectations on their heads, and us on ours. Its been a tear-filled whirlwind of emotion, prayer, and exhaustion.
We have been committed to a church for 8 months now. And just 6 weeks before my husband was to start work, we felt clear that was not the Lord's plan. We are so sad to walk away from a quaint little town and a church we had fallen in love with. From its people who have relentlessly looked for homes for us, prayed for us and welcomed us with open arms. From the life we thought we were going to live. We have spent the last few weeks grieving what we hoped to be.
If you know me well you have probably heard me use the words "plan" "expectations" or "consistency" as positive words. I love a plan, I need expectations, I thrive on consistency. But the Lord is far wiser than I, and He is the Father who knows best. And he has ripped all of those things away from my sweaty, white-knuckled grip.
This was not my plan, this is not what I wanted. But I believe whole heartedly it is better. We have spent months wondering why our house hadn't sold, why none of the people we challenged to go with us were able to, why we couldn't find a home there. We have prayed and sought widsom in the scriptures and in people we love. I have read Proverbs 16 so many times. "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tounge is from the Lord." I feel answered, and though it is not the answer I expected or even wanted, it is the one that is best.
I feel Fathered. Protected from what might have been, and provided for in some amazing ways. Just 6 days after seeking cousel with a man he greatly respected (along with 5 others), my hubs got an internship offer from a church plant in one of the fastest growing areas in the country. Just when we realized we had 60 days to find a job, the Lord wraps up the perfect gift in a shiny box and gives it to us in 6 days! There is still much to trust the Lord with, but we are walking in faith, convinced that this is what the Lord has planned in advance for us (Ephesians 2:10).
So as for my plans, the Lord has once again reminded me of my pitiful excuse for control. I have NONE. And praise the Lord for that! He is good and wise and loving, and I am not. I can make plans, but rest assured I have learned to hold them much more loosely. He has been relentless in His pursuit of my submission to His control. And through it, He has prepared me for this. Through babies who don't sleep, ministry that involves living in a hotel with 2 sick babies for a month, and car wrecks that interrupt life. He is good. He is sovereign. He is in control. And His plan is always, ALWAYS best.
"He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure." Psalm 147:4
